Exceptional Christian

I’m now a week and half past my first full chemo treatment and praise God I’ve had very few side effects. I realize that I’ve got many more treatments to go and those side effects may come later, but for now I’m enjoying the relative ease that treatment is currently going.

The only real symptom I’ve had and from what I’ve read is present in 80 to 100% of cancer patients in fatigue. Even before my first treatment I was always tired and thought that was the fatigue I was experiencing. Well this past weekend I discovered that there is a definite difference between being tired and fatigue.

Fatigue, especially associated with cancer and it’s treatment, suddenly became real to me. Saturday morning, my exhaustion reached a new level. I was pretty non-functional and I really didn’t care at that point either. I ended up taking a nap for about 3 hours Saturday afternoon, but upon waking felt no better, I slept well Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning feeling just as fatigued as the day before. It has slowly gotten better over the last few days, but it’s still there.

But God has an answer and can heal fatigue. As I’ve been reading and studying more about it, my fatigue while still there has been bearable and I’ve been able to endure it and function through the grace of God.

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest.

Matthew 11:28-29

I’ve been carrying a heavy load the last few months, but God has given me rest.

You, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Because I’m staying firm in my faith and my new purpose that God has given me, I’ve found that peace which really helps through those physically trying times.

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

When I physically need rest, I know that the Lord is with me, healing me and keeping me safe. He never leaves us and promises to always be with us.

I can assume that I will have more side effects. I assume that my fatigue may not got away and may get worse. But my faith is unwavering. My joy that Christ has chosen me for this mission keeps me going through the tough times. Yes I wish God would take this cup from me. But His will is good and I intend to trust him.

The other day, I was talking with someone at work who was reading through a book that was focused on the story of the prodigal son. As we talked and I thought about the story, I began to think of the older brother of the son that went wayward.

The older brother became angry when their father through a feast when the younger son came back. He told his father, “I’ve been here all these years and never left, but you never through me a party.”

I began to think of my own situation. When I was diagnosed with this cancer, I went through a phase of why me? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I’ve done everything I was supposed to, but here I am still going through this while I see perfectly healthy people drink and smoke and do all kinds of things. I’ll be honest, it ticked me off.

But I realized that God is using my situation for his good. And while it may sound strange saying this, this diagnosis has actually been a blessing for me. It has changed me fundamentally. It has strengthened my faith. It has given me purpose. It has opened my eyes to where God is working and how he wants me to join him in his work.

God didn’t give me cancer, but he is using it to glorify his name. We read in Luke 22 when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsamane where he prays;

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Luke 22: 39

Like me, Jesus didn’t want to go through with God’s plan. But he realized that God’s plan is good and that this was his calling.

I don’t want to deal with this disease. But I know that God is using this situation to glorify his name.

This diagnosis has been an unexpected blessing and I intend to see it through fully trusting in God and letting him lead me through this. I see God working already. I see lives being changed (mine included). I pray everyday that my testimony will be used by him to help someone else. I have been blessed beyond belief and this is just part of it, part of who I am, part of my testimony.

God use me and my situation to glorify your name and further your kingdom.

It was an interesting day today. I started my first bit of chemo today and I was obviously a bit nervous. Interestingly enough I happened to sit down across from another gentleman that was also there for chemo and he noticed my shirt which is one from my local high school. We got to talking as he had graduated from there also.

He knew one of my sisters and after a bit more small talk, we ventured into the realm of “What are you in here for?” As it turns out, his cancer is almost identical to mine, the only real difference is his was discovered 2 years ago where mine was just a few weeks ago. However, after two years of treatment, he is almost cancer free. He has a bit more chemo and another surgery or two and given that the recent scans are still what they are, he’ll be free of cancer!! Praise Jesus!

I needed that encouragement today as I started down my own long journey. I struggled this morning and last night with thoughts of how long this journey would take, how well the treatment would go and all the unknowns. While everyone’s treatment is different, hearing his story gave me more hope that I can follow a similar path. That our God is faithful and is in the process of healing him and is in the process of healing me.

God chose this moment to remind me of this. He put this man in my path to show that God is in control and can do the seemingly impossible. God used him to encourage me, he used him to give me hope.

Tonight I walk more confident than ever that I will beat this, that the disease has no power over me. That God is in control. Praise Jesus!

So where does this lead me? Where is the road that I’m traveling take me? I’m not sure. This road I’m traveling, I’ve never been down before. I’ve seen other people travel it, but I’ve only watched from the sidelines. Never walked the road myself. But here I am, walking down the road I never thought I’d travel.

But I’m not alone on this road. People come and go. I meet people that soon leave and another will come later. Some are on the journey for just a short time and I imagine others will be here for the long haul. Some I may know, others could be complete strangers and we will just cross paths for a short time.

As I was thinking about this journey, I recalled Luke 24:13-33

That same day two of Jesus’ disciples were going to the village of Emmaus, which was about seven miles from Jerusalem. AS they were talking and thinking about what had happened, Jesus came near and started walking beside them. But they did not know who he was.

Luke 24:13-16

I know that as I walk this journey, Jesus will be walking it with me. Sometimes I may know and see him clearly along side me. Other times I imagine I will not recognize him. But I know that He is with me always.

Even though the disciples did not yet recognize him, he explained everything written about him in the Scriptures. Even though I may not recognize him walking with me always, he is always working for my good and for the Father’s will. I know that despite my inability to always recognize where Jesus is working and walking alongside me, he is there.

Let God take control. Those words are often easier said than done. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I’m perfectly in tune with what God is doing and that I’m just sitting back letting him handle everything. I wish I could sit here and tell you there is no fear. But I can’t.

What I can do, is pray that I live each day to it’s fullest. That I can let go of the worry and stress and fear. That I can fully trust Him in all things. I know I’ll have days that are better than others. I know that some days I’ll be able to give him control over all most things, but there will be day that I won’t.

But in reality, I don’t have control over anything. I can’t control what is happening inside my body. I can’t control how well the treatment may or may not work. The doctors, while they have a plan of action, can’t tell me for sure that these treatments will work. All I can do is follow what the doctors say and pray that the doctors are doing there best to give me the best treatment they can.

But guess who is complete control. That’s right, God is in control, whether I “give” him control of anything or not. The God that created the universe, knows my name and is control of my healing. If I’m healed, he will use that for his glory as we can praise him for his miraculous healing. If healing doesn’t come, then He can use that for his glory as he gives me the strength to fight and to endure.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1

So “giving” my troubles to God is really acknowledging that he already has control. I’m not giving Him anything. That realization though does bring me comfort and peace. It allows me to be open to the opportunities he is placing in front of me through all this. It allows me to be attentive to the needs of others and how I can possibly help them through their own time of difficulties.

So in the months and years ahead of me as I fight this battle. I pray that I always remember that God is already in control and I just need to let him be God.

Been going through a lot of tests, consultations, and prep for the treatment that is upcoming for me. Through all those meetings, my strive to live with No Fear is put to the test. Fear comes in waves, which then turns into depression, which then thankfully returns to resolve and fearlessness.

But what (or should I say who) gives us this ability to live without fear and when fear comes we can follow right back to that place of no fear?

Well I think we all know where this is going. The answer of course is our Lord Jesus!! With him beside me, I can be assured that he has a plan and that his plan cannot be denied.

Most of us know the story of  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar demanded that everyone bow down and worship his gods.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to do so;

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” -Daniel 3:16-18

They were confident that God would save them, but even if He didn’t, they refused to serve any other gods.

King Nebuchadnezzar was furious and ordered that the three be thrown in a blazing furnace. So in they went, but then very quickly the King jumps up in surprise;

Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.” 25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” -Daniel 3:24-25

The King saw four men walking around in the furnace. Who was the extra person? This is Jesus walking in the fire with them. When the King orders them out, the three come out completely unharmed.

When Jesus walks in the fire with us, we can come out unharmed. Jesus is with me during all my tests, prep and consultations. He was with me last week when I had my surgery. While I still have to walk through flames, Jesus is there with me, carrying my burden and protecting me.

What a great feeling knowing that when I’m feeling all alone as I go through these struggles, I’m really not. Jesus is there with me!!

Praise Jesus for that!

So today was one that I won’t soon forget. Today they confirmed my worse fears of cancer (yes the cat’s out of the bag now….sorry if this is the first you’ve heard about as I just couldn’t tell everyone yet). I begin the journey now to treatment. I’m a man of action, so give me a plan and lets take action on it. But needless to say, it’s not been the best day.

But as I stated in my last post, I’m striving to live life without fear. God has a plan for me and I need to be obedient to it. In future posts, I plan on sharing some of the ways that God has already moved in the last week or so. There have been so many people that I’ve crossed paths with that I’ve been able to give praise to God in what should have been my darkest hour.

God promises us that he will never leave us, that we can never be separated from his love:

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

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Jesus provides that light that I can grasp onto and cling to and move towards no matter. This is something we can be assured of as no darkness can overtake the light of Christ, not even our darkest hours.

Jesus…said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

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And when we hold on to Christ, that light transfers to us. We have a light in us that can be a beacon to others. But CS Lewis said it best once;

Don’t shine so others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him. -C.S. Lewis

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Our light doesn’t lead people to ourselves, bu through us others can see Christ. Those are some of the stories I want to be sharing in future posts. Where I was able to shine that light and others saw Christ because of my darkest hour.

I’ve been dealing with some health issues for a few years now. I’ve never talked about it on here as I’ve always been a bit private about my health and to be honest, I was probably scared and in a bit of denial that I figured talking about it here would make it real.

The last 6 months or so have been really rough as the issues have gotten worse and become more visible. To the point where shortly after my daughter’s wedding in May, I had my yearly checkup and the found I was anemic, which prompted more tests and more pills and more anxiety.

Fast forward to the end of August and here we are with the health problems becoming real and something that needs to be dealt with. I won’t go into the details here in this post, as I plan to write more and more about my struggles, my fears, my health and my healing.

Why do I think there is healing already? Because we are instructed to live without fear, but how can we really do that? Well that’s what my future posts will talk about. It’s something I’m not perfect at and am still learning to understand and follow, but one of my Christian friends has repeatedly sent me messages that often simply say “No Fear”. He wakes up every morning and lives the day without fear.

But how can we really live without fear? Well when we became a follower of Jesus Christ, he changes everything. Any by everything, I mean everything.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7

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God changed everything. He gave us a spirit of power, love and self-control. We need not fear when we have the Holy Spirit working in us!!

He isn’t asking us to the do the impossible, or even something too awful difficult. He made it all possible for us when we accepted the Holy Spirit into our lives.

One thing I always remember, whenever I start to find fear creeping back into my mind, the following verse always comes to mind.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:13

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So stick with me, I plan to become and open book over the next few months. You’ll learn more about me and my problems than maybe you care to know…however, we’ll always look at how God is present in these situations. I have so many good stories to tell, just over the last week which undoubtedly has been on of the worse weeks of my life so far. But God has shown through over and over again.

I also want to be available to anyone that needs someone to talk to, whether they struggle with fear, struggle with similar health issues or whatever. I want you to know that I can listen, I can pray for and with you and I can tell you what I know of God’s power and how it has worked in my life and can work in yours.

I look forward to this new adventure, no matter how much my human mind may fear it, I look forward to see where God is going to lead me and seeing what he will be using me for.

God bless you all, and stay tuned.